At 6:29 this morning I was having a dream. In that dream I was praying for the wife of a friend of mine. I was asking God to give her peace, wisdom, love, and tenderness... then the time hit 6:30 and my alarm started beeping. I was sad I didn't get to finish praying with J.
I left my phone in my room this morning when I went to shower and do my Bible study. I haven't checked it yet. (All I saw was the 1 notification on my lock screen when I shut off the alarm.) This is another win. I will not check my phone until after Bible study.
Nehemiah 2:2-3
2 So the king asked me, “Why are you looking so sad? You don’t look sick to me. You must be deeply troubled.”
Then I was terrified, 3 but I replied, “Long live the king! How can I not be sad? For the city where my ancestors are buried is in ruins, and the gates have been destroyed by fire.”
Psalm 27:1
The Lord is my light and my salvation—
so why should I be afraid?
The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger,
so why should I tremble?
2. Pore over the passage and paraphrase the major points:
- Nehemiah was serving the king and appeared sad.
- The king called him out on it, saying he didn't look sick but must be deeply troubled.
- Being called out by the kind terrified Nehemiah, but he replied and shared with the king why he was sad.
- God is my light and salvation - I don't need to be afraid.
3. Pull out the spiritual principles:
i) It's normal to have emotions - if I'm sad, I can feel the sadness.
ii) Like Nehemiah, when someone calls me out on my emotions, I'm terrified. I always work so hard at hiding my emotions, that when someone asks me about it, it's scary.
iii) When asked, it is okay to answer truthfully. I don't have to be "fine" all the time. I am doing better at this in some situations and with some people, but not as a general rule.
** On the morning that Poppy passed away last year, I had to go to court for my job. When I went in to meet with the prosecutor, he could tell right away that something was wrong. My demeanour was off. I tried to hide it but the sadness was so intense that it was noticeable. He asked, "Are you okay?" I was scared to answer. Court is not a "feeling" place. I contemplated telling him I was fine and move on and move on. Instead, I shared with him that my grandpa had passed away that morning - about a half an hour prior. He was sympathetic and understanding, and offered his genuine condolences. I felt a little better just by sharing my burden with someone else. Had I not shared, we wouldn't have connected on a personal level, and I would have continued to carry the sadness alone.
4. Pose the question:
- The story above was a time when I was truly, deeply sad and I couldn't hide my emotions. What if I was more open and honest all the time with how I'm feeling?
- Why do I think I have to hide my feelings?
- Can I respond honestly when asked how I'm doing, even if I'm scared to be honest?
- The Lord is my light and my salvation, why should I be afraid?
5. Plan obedience and pin down the date:
- I will be more open and honest when someone asks me how I am. I know this will be scary for me, but it will help me recognize and acknowledge my emotions instead of hiding them. As I move into what God has chosen me for, I need to get better at acknowledging my feelings so I can better see emotions in others.
6. Pray:
God, thank You for sending Jesus to die for my sin. Thank You Jesus for rising again on the third day! I celebrate my freedom today because of the price You paid for me.
Thank You for being my light and my salvation. I don't have to be afraid. Help me to be honest, open, and vulnerable with my feelings. You created us with emotion, and I'm sorry for living the majority of my life hiding what You have given me. Help me on this journey to recognizing and sharing my feelings. As I share in honesty, help other to feel they can also share with me. Amen.
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