Hope - The Purpose of it All

I have spent a long time in fear.  I fear telling my whole story, I am in fear when I am in close proximity to men, I fear that something tragic will happen to someone I am close to, I fear doing or saying the wrong thing, and the list goes on.  I live my life in a heightened emotional state.  

The fear stems from pain - the pain caused by hurts from the past that I have not fully worked through.  My counsellor asked me if it is hypervigilence. Yes, I would have to say it is.  I struggle with fear and hypervigilence, especially around men.

Perhaps you are wondering why I am sharing this stuff, and maybe you are thinking this does not sound hopeful.  Let us start with the why.  As scared as I am to share all of my story, I know that holding it in means missing the reason I went through pain to begin with - and that is a lot scarier to me.  I heard a message this week that talked about the purpose of our pain. The minister said, "​As painful as it was, was it leading to something that, when you looked back on it after the fact, would maybe not exactly make it worthwhile but would at least give some meaning to it all?​​​" He went on to say to say there is purpose in our pain - that purpose is hope.  So, a purpose in my painful experiences is that I now have hope I can share with others. That is life-changing! Just as Mary, on this very night 2000 years go, found hope and purpose in her labour pains, I, too, can find hope in my pain.  It is a hope birthed from my pain - a hope I can now share.

How does fear and hope link together?  Let me show you.  On the night Jesus, the Hope of the world, was born, the angels visited the shepherds.  The very first words that were recorded after the birth of Jesus were what the angels said... "Fear not!"  That is the first thing God wanted us to hear.  The ultimate Hope entered the world and we no longer have to fear.  WOW!

I do not know exactly where this new understanding and desire will lead me, but I do know that I can keep quiet no longer.  God gave me a story filled with pain, but in the thick of it all, there is unexplainable hope. And, I desperately long to share that hope with others.