The Non-Consensual Road - Introduction

How does someone reach the place where they are having non-consensual sex on a regular basis?  This is the question I am going to attempt to answer over my next several posts.  I am going to examine my own personal history to help shed light on this topic.  I am sharing this for several reasons:

1. To let you know you are not alone.  I have been hurt in many ways throughout my life.  Living in domestic violence was a big part of that, but it is not all of it.  

2. Spousal rape is something that very few people take about.  It is a difficult subject to tackle because sex often invovles shame and secrecy.  I want to help break the silence. 

3. Your past affects your present, even when you work so hard at keeping it hidden.  

4. Knowledge is power.  The more you know, the more power you can have in your life and your relationships. 

5. There is hope.  If you are in a non-consensual relationship right now, I understand your pain and hurt.  There are so many emotions and truths that are difficult to face.  I'm here to tell you there is hope.  

This is not a subject I approach lightly, and I am certainly not an expert in the field. I am simply a woman who has gone through a lot of hurt and pain, and have come out on the other side a stronger person, who desperately wants to share the purpose of my pain - hope.  It has taken me a long time, several counsellors, and years of recovery to get to this place of stepping out of fear to share my story.  My prayer is that God will use it to bring hope, help, and healing to others.  

I know that some people will not be on board with what I share.  Some will find it offensive, too-real, and perhaps even say I am only sharing for attention.  Let me assure you, this is not the kind of attention I would intentionally seek to get.  I am sharing because God has asked me to help others go through what I have gone through.  I am not helping anyone, and God is not receiving any glory, when I sit on my pain instead of showing what God can do through pain.  

Some people will be triggered by what I share.  If you begin to feel triggered, please stop reading.  Find an accountability partner or sponsor to talk to and, when you are safe, read it with that person.  I would never want my story to bring avoidable harm.  Know yourself, and shut it down if it is too much for you at this time.  It's okay to not be ready.  This is your journey and I want you to be safe.  

Finally, please find someone to talk to.  You do not have to go through this journey alone. There are counsellors, pastors, ministers, and people in your circle who would be willing to listen.  If you are not already attending a Celebrate Recovery group, I encourage you to find one in your area. 

Let us journey this road together.