Perfect Design (flawed execution)

It's been eight and a half years since I wore these rings.  And, yes, I still have them.  I considered selling them but it never worked out.  Some have suggested melting them down into another piece of jewelry, but that made no sense to me - it's still the same material.  I thought about keeping them for my daughter, but what in the world would she do with the rings of her divorced mother?  

The truth is I love my wedding rings.  In fact, sometimes I will put them on just to admire them on my finger.  

And, as strange as this may sound, I want to wear them.  

When the engagement ring was first put on my finger twenty years ago, it was with the intention that we would be together forever.  

On December 15, 1998, I was having supper in the cafeteria at the college.  My boyfriend arrived and joined me at the table.  He was acting really strange.  He said he needed to talk to me, but “not here.”  I suggested that we go for a walk and he agreed.  After getting my coat and boots on, we walked to our favourite park.  Everything was covered in snow, so we just stood there together.  My boyfriend was still acting strange and I wondered what he needed to talk to me about that was making him so nervous.

A couple of minutes later, he pulled a box out of his pocket and opened it up.  Inside was a beautiful gold and white gold ring with a diamond in the middle. I threw my arms around him and was screaming.  I couldn’t stop jumping up and down and screaming.  After a few moments, I calmed down long enough to ask him if he had actually asked me to marry him.  In my excited screaming, I didn’t even hear him ask the question. He assured me that he asked, and then put the ring on my finger.  It fit perfectly.

He is the one I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.  

Sadly things did not turn out the way I had always dreamed of.  I imagined getting married, having children, celebrating events together, watching our children graduate, loving our grandchildren, and growing old together.  

I never dreamed of getting divorced. 

And, while I would never want to be back in the abusive marriage I was in for eleven years, I grieve the dreams that will never come true.  

Many people say, "You will find someone else."  What if I don't want anyone else?  What if I don't want another husband?  What if he was the only one for me and we completely blew it? 

I made a choice to get married - right or wrong is irrelevant - and in God's sight, he is my husband.  He is the man I became "one flesh" with... how then can we become separate flesh again?

This is not about whether or not I had grounds for divorce.  I knew that staying in the marriage was detrimental to the kids and me.  I believe I did the right thing by getting out.  Nonetheless, that is not how marriage was designed.  We should have been partners for life.  

According to Portfolio of Fine Diamonds, this is what wedding rings represent, "A circle has no beginning or end and is therefore a symbol of infinity. It is endless, eternal, just the way love should be. For many the wedding ring is worn on the fourth finger of the left hand. This is because the vein in this finger was believed to lead directly to the wearer's heart."

As much as I made this promise to my husband, I also made this promise to God.  I made a covenant with God to love my husband for the rest of my life.  The covenant with God was the most important one I made that day.  And, I am not ready to break that. 

So, I am going to wear my rings again.  Not as a symbol of the promise I made to my husband, but as a symbol of God's infinite, eternal, endless love for me.  He is the beginning and the end.  He is living in my heart. Even though I messed up the design for marriage, God has never stopped loving me.  And, until God says otherwise, I will wear my rings as a reminder that God and I are a team.  God is my partner.  He will never hurt me, abuse me, take advantage of me, or leave me.  God is the creator of love and He is the only person who models it perfectly.  

Tonight I renew my vows, commitment, and promise to God to love Him and live for Him all my days. I promise to serve Him with the gifts and talents He has blessed me with.  I submit my life and will to God's care and control.

Let's do this!